


Sweet dreams

by CatelynStark956



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:40:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27701504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatelynStark956/pseuds/CatelynStark956
Summary: Ned does return to her. He comes back from the dead. He comes to her arms, holds her close and loves her. Nothing has ever been sweeter or more cruel.
Relationships: Catelyn Stark/Ned Stark
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	Sweet dreams

The last time Catelyn had seen Ned he had been well. He had been strong, full of life. He had looked tired, but he had been very much alive. He had kissed her. And told her about his plans, how he would tell the king about all the horrible deeds the Lannisters had done once he found proof. He had found it. And now all that remained of him was bones.

She slowly raised a hand and touched the silver wire that linked his head to his body. They had chopped his head off with a clean blow from his own sword. She had sat next to him in the godswood and watched him clean Ice so many times. Both of them unaware of that it was the thing that would take his life. But no. His sword had not killed him. The Lannisters had.

She had never felt such intense hatred as she did in that moment. She could feel it burn in her. They had killed her husband. They had taken his head and put it on a spike up on the walls of the Red Keep. And when it was all over, she would make sure that the same thing happened to them. 

She traced her hand up his face. Or what had been his face and was now simply a skull. There was no trace of him left. Just cold bone and empty hollows. She pulled back her hand and held it to her chest. She could feel how his cold spread through her. He had never made her cold, he was always so warm. But he was gone. She would never feel his heat again.

Tears started to rise in her eyes and she let them. When had she last wept? She didn’t know, she had forced herself to be strong in front of everyone. For the sake of Robb. And for her own sake. She didn’t know if she would ever be able to stop the tears once they started.

But she was alone in the room. There was not a soul in there that she needed to be strong in front of. So for once she just stopped holding back and let the tears run down her face.

”Oh Ned” she sobbed. ”How did we get here? And how do we make it go back to how it was before this madness started?”

That was all she wished for when she stood there and looked down at him. That he would come back to her. She wanted to feel safe and protected and loved. Feelings she hadn’t felt for quite some time.

”You left me too early. I can’t do this on my own. And our children... they also need you. The crown on Robb’s head weighs too much for him, I can see how heavy it is to bear. And still he won’t take the help I try to give him. He would have listened to you, I know that. He always listened to you. Everyone always listened to you.”

She smiled just a little through her tears then, even though it faltered quickly. Ned’s people had loved him so much. She had never seen a people mourn their dead leader the way the northerners had mourned Ned. She remembered how they had all kneeled before the heart tree in the godswood with their swords on the ground in front of them.

”They loved you. Just as I did. Still do. I love you so much, but you died on me. Long before we were finished. We didn’t get to grow old together. You won’t see our children grow into adults. You won’t see them at their weddings and when they have babies of their own... and you... you...”

She could barely see him anymore, her vision was blurred with tears. And the feeling of that the room was spinning around her didn’t help. She tried to take a deep breath, but it got stuck in her throat. It was as though there was a stone laying on her chest, making it hard to breathe. She desperately tried to suck in air, but all she managed to do was wheeze. She fell down on a chair, clinging to the armrests in order to not slide of it and down on the floor. She needed Ned. She needed his strong arms around her. She needed his warmth. She needed him to soothe her.

”Please come back” she whispered. ”Please come back to me.”

She knew it was impossible. She knew that better than anyone. But she had lost her Ned. Her stable and safe rock. Her love. She had almost thought that her heart was gone, but she could feel it ache. And then she almost wished that it would actually disappear so that she wouldn’t have to feel it.

The door creaked open and she looked up. Her brother walked in together with a man in a dirty cloak. It might have been gray under all the filth that covered it. She guessed he had a badly injured leg because he limped. A hood covered the man’s face, so she couldn’t see how he looked. She didn’t really care for how he looked either. She had told them she wanted to be alone. And still Edmure came walking in with a dirty stranger. She wasn’t overly happy with being disturbed.

She didn’t bother with even trying to dry her tears. And she didn’t rise from her chair. Who could blame her for crying over her husband’s bones?

”What is this, Edmure?” she asked. ”I asked for the night alone with my husband.”

She made a tine gesture towards the bones on the table next to her. And when she looked back at Edmure, he smiled. He actually smiled at her. That lit a spark of anger in her. How dared he smile? How dared he smile at her when she was grieving her husband!

”Get out!” she said sharply.

”I do believe–”

”I said two words, which one of them did you not understand? Get. Out.”

But neither Edmure nor the man moved.

”Catelyn, I really–”

”Get out!” she shouted and pushed herself up from the chair. ”Seven hells, just leave me alone! I don’t want to speak to you and I won't! I want you to get out of here!”

Had she had something in her hand at the time she would have thrown it at him. What was it that he didn’t understand? Couldn’t they just speak on the morrow? It must have been in the middle of the night, she just wanted those last hours with Ned before he was put to rest in the crypts beneath Winterfell. After that, she could speak. After that, she would go back to how it had been before the Silent Sisters had came.

She turned her back to them, holding back another wave of tears. She looked down at Ned again.

”This man was seeking you” she heard Edmure say. ”And I will leave you now.”

The door closed again. She hated the dirty stranger in that moment. What was so important that he had to see her in the middle of the night? Who was he? Why had he been allowed to see her? She had so many questions. But she remained quiet. He could speak first if what he had to say was so incredibly important.

”You always had a quick temper, Cat” a low voice said.

And she stopped breathing. No. She had misheard. One voice sounded much like another, she just hadn’t properly heard it. The man had mumbled. That was it. He had just spoken in a very low voice, just like Ned used to do and therefore she had misheard.

”It’s Lady Stark to you” she said and turned to him once more. ”And please remove your hood. I want to know who is stubbornly seeking me when I have said I don’t want to be disturbed.”

He reached up and pulled back his hood. And once more she stopped breathing. And it felt like her heart stopped too. She stumbled backwards and hit the table with bones on it. She heard how they moved and rattled. Panicked, she looked down at it. And then up at the man. She was going mad. All the bad that had happened had drove her mad, she was sure of it. She was imagining things. She missed Ned so much that she started to see him even though he was dead.

She tried to form words, tried to force her mind to make sense of all of it. But she couldn’t make Ned go away. She closed her eyes and opened them again, but he was still there. He stood there and looked at her with his gray eyes. He looked so real. He was dirty, his beard was shaggy and his hair was long and tangled. But it was still him, she was sure of it. She would always recognize him, no matter what. But it couldn’t be him. He was dead.

”I have always called you Cat” he said.

She took a deep breath and slowly walked over to him. She had to control her breathing to not hyperventilate when she raised a hand and touched him. He was there. He was real. And as her hand had traced the bones, it traced his real face. She felt his nose and his lips and his eyebrows. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close to him. And she almost laughed. It was so surreal. Her husband had came back from the dead.

”You’re real. You’re not a part of my imagination” she whispered. ”But they killed you, how can you be real?”

”I don’t know whose bones they have dressed up in my clothes, but I am not laying on that table. I escaped from the black cells. I escaped and I have walked through the wilderness from King’s Landing to here. And now I am back with you” he mumbled.

She couldn’t get out words. She felt so many emotions at once that everything she wanted to say got stuck in her throat. So she simply reached up and kissed him, like she had done so many times before. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him as close as possible.

”Don’t ever do that to me again” she mumbled when they broke the kiss.

She rested her forehead against his.

”Promise me, Ned. Promise me that you will never do that to me again.”

”I promise that I will, to the best of my ability, try to never do that to you again” he told her. ”I’m telling you, it wasn’t very pleasant for me either.”

She never wanted to let him go. She didn’t understand how she would ever be able to let him out of sight again. Because the pain she had felt while she believed that he was dead had been so incredible that she couldn’t find words for it. She had felt that pain just a few minutes earlier. He had been dead just a few minutes earlier. But he was holding her in his arms. He was right there with her. He had came back to her.

”I missed you so much” she said.

”I missed you too. I thought about you every day and every night. You and our children” he said.

Their children. Catelyn only had one of them close to her. Her girls were trapped in the capital, her youngest boys were up in the North, thousands of miles away. What a bad mother she was. She couldn’t even protect her children.

”Sansa and Arya” she said. ”Do you know if they’re alright?”

”According to the Spider Arya escaped King’s Landing after my capture” he said. ”I don’t know where she is.”

”We have to send out men to look for her then. She might be around here” Catelyn said, with a spark of hope slowly lighting in her chest. 

Just maybe they could find Arya and bring her to Riverrun. Maybe she was already trying to get there. There was a small chance, but there was a chance. And Catelyn would take whatever positive news she could.

”And Sansa?” she asked hopefully.

”Still in King’s Landing for all I know. I’m so sorry, my love, but I have only heard rumors since I left the capital, no words that you could trust.”

She took a deep breath, tried to not be disappointed. Ned had had no connection to anyone since he escaped. She probably knew more about what was going on in Westeros than he did. But she had wished that he would have been able to say that at least Sansa was alive and alright.

”I’ll have to trust the Lannisters when they say that Sansa is well then” she muttered.

Those words left a bitter taste in her mouth. She had never trusted the Lannisters, not even in the beginning. Not after her sister’s letter and especially not after her son’s fall. And still she had told Ned to go South. To investigate in the murder of Jon Arryn. Oh how bitterly she regretted that.

”We will get them back. We will defeat the Lannisters and get our girls back” Ned said. “And then we will return to Winterfell.”

They had a chance of winning. Robb had not done badly, he had won all of his battles. But as long as he was at war, she wouldn’t be able to sleep at night. She constantly feared for his life. She feared for the lives of everyone she loved. So no matter how bright it looked, she was terrified. And she would be terrified until they were all safely back in Winterfell or until the moment she lost her head. But the fact that Ned magically came back to them made her a little bit more hopeful. He had came back from the dead, they could take Sansa and Arya back from the Lannisters. They could win.

”Yes. We will get Arya and Sansa back to us unharmed. And the Lannisters will have to pay for what they did to our family” she said.

They couldn’t do much until Robb returned to Riverrun though. He had all their men. Edmure had some, but they were very much needed to protect the Riverlands and Riverrun. Catelyn only had one man, or woman, actually. And that woman was probably the best fighter Catelyn had ever seen, she was sure of that Brienne would knock most men into the dirt. But in a war you couldn’t do much with one fighter, no matter how good that fighter was.

”But no matter how much I want it, we can’t do that now. So I suggest that we take you up to the maester so that he can look at your leg. And then we draw you a bath and get some food for you” she told Ned and smiled. ”No offense, my lord, but you look like you might need it.”

He raised a hand and dried the tears on her cheeks.

***

Ned was thinner than Catelyn had ever seen him and it made her heart ache to see how his bones poked through his skin. How close had he been to starvation in the Black Cells? How close had he been to starvation as he made his way to Riverrun? But she almost forgot all about that when she saw his leg. It had clearly been broken and healed, but it had not healed correctly, it was all twisted. It hurt to look upon it. How had he managed to walk all the way from King’s Landing to Riverrun on that leg.

“How were you able to stand on it?” Catelyn asked with a hand over her mouth.

She looked as Maester Vyman examined the leg with a frown on his wrinkled face.

“It doesn’t hurt as much as it used to” Ned said. “The pain was terrible in the beginning, but the worst has passed. The only thing is that I limp.”

“I could break the leg again and try to set the bone straight so that it heals correctly. But I can’t assure that it will fix the limping” Maester Vyman said. 

“I’m not interested in breaking it again. It hurt enough the first time” Ned told him. “If I have to live with a crooked leg, so be it. What matters is that I can stand and walk upon it.”

“Might I ask about what happened that broke the leg?”

“A horse fell on it.”

“Oh. Well, I can give you dreamwine or milk of the poppy for the pain.”

“No” Ned said shortly. “The pain will pass eventually.”

“Would you at least consider it?” Catelyn said and laid a hand on his arm. “You shouldn’t be in pain. You have had enough of pain.”

“I have had enough of milk of the poppy. I was force fed the damn thing by the maesters in King’s Landing” he growled in response. “I want no more of it.”

“Then I can’t do anything for you, my lord. I apologize.” 

The maester bowed his head down. 

“Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault my leg was broken. I lay that at Jaime Lannister’s feet.”

***

Catelyn felt calm for the first time in many moons. It was quiet in her bedchamber, except for the fire that crackled in the hearth and the sound of when Ned moved in the water. And it smelled of oils and flowers in there, a very soothing scent. It was like a bubble of peace in the troubled time that they lived in.

She hummed quietly as she washed his hair and carefully untangled all the knots with her fingers. She didn’t even know what song she was humming on, she couldn’t fine any words to it, but she liked the melody. 

”They say you killed Renly, is it true?” Ned suddenly asked.

”No” she told him and poured water over his head. ”I was there, but I did not kill him. It was a shadow in the shape of a man, some sort of dark magic. And Stannis is to blame. But only Brienne and I witnessed it, and spreading the word is hard when you’re running so that you won’t be killed for a murder you did not commit.”

”Dark magic” Ned repeated. ”That one I haven’t heard. I heard a lot of stories about it, the commoners like to speculate about the death of a king. But I heard of this Brienne of Tarth, she was a part of Renly’s king’s guard, was she not?”

Catelyn remembered when she had first arrived at Renly’s camp and watched Brienne beat Loras Tyrell. She was still amazed by how a woman had defeated the Knight of the Flowers, who was known all over Westeros even though he wasn’t even twenty yet. Brienne had made it clear that despite his fame, Loras Tyrell was still just a green boy.

”She was. She’s a great fighter, I have seen it myself. I bet she would have you on your back in just a few seconds” she said and smiled.

”Anyone would have me on my back in just a few seconds with my leg” he replied. “So it’s good I’ll probably never meet her.”

”Oh, it’s funny you said that. Because she swore fealty to me. She’s in the castle, you will meet her quite soon” Catelyn said. ”Lean forward, my lord, I need to scrub your back.”

”Did she swear fealty to House Tully or House Stark?” he asked as he did what she had told him.

She had watched him accept other men’s oaths of loyalty so many times. She wished he had been there to see when someone swore their fealty to her. She couldn’t really describe what she had felt when Brienne kneeled in front of her. One moment it was like she had her own army, the next it was like she had another girl she felt the need to protect. Even though it was the other way around, Brienne protected her. But no matter everything else, she felt proud of herself. Brienne wanted to serve her. No house, just her.

”Neither. She serves no house. She serves me” Catelyn said.

”Clever woman, Brienne of Tarth. You are a lady worth serving.”

”I believe many disagree” she told him and laughed a little. ”I’m not very well liked south of here, I fear.”

Not that she was very liked there either. Robb’s men were not overly happy about her want to always know the plans. And Robb had not been overly happy when she had tried to give him advice.

”People south of here are stupid.”

”I don’t disagree” she mumbled, thinking of her meeting with Stannis and Renly.

Ned chuckled and looked up at her. His eyes were soft as fog, it made her melt inside, she had missed those eyes. She had thought she would never see those eyes again, but there they were. She leaned down and kissed him before she could stop herself. He reached up and snaked an arm around her neck in order to get her closer. Catelyn stumbled forward, hit the edge of the bathtub and before she knew it, she fell.

”Seven hells” she spluttered as she pulled herself up in a sitting position. ”Do you want to drown me?”

She coughed and blinked water out of her eyes as Ned laughed at her. She was soaked from top to toe. The wet fabric of her gown was clinging to her skin, water was running down her face, her hair was dripping.

”Don’t laugh!” she exclaimed and slapped his chest, but it was ruined by that she couldn’t hold back a giggle.

”I’m sorry” he said and stroke a strand of wet hair from her face ”I was a little too eager.”

It was ridiculous. There she was, in a bathtub, with all her clothes on. She was straddling Ned’s legs and the position had made her skirts slide up to her thighs. There was room for both of them, she didn’t have to sit in his lap. But she wanted to, she wanted to sit close to him. Though she remembered about his leg and quickly pushed herself up on her knees so that she hovered above him.

“Did I hurt you?” she asked worriedly.

“No, Cat. Having you close will never hurt me” he said and pulled her down again. 

He ran his hands up her thighs so that the dress went even further up and his face was so close to hers that their noses almost touched. And suddenly she was very aware of that he was naked. 

”I’m going to tell you something” she whispered with a smile, leaning even closer to him. ”I am eager too.”

A warm feeling spread in her, she had not felt that in quite some time. It was a very sweet feeling, and she wanted him to feel it too. She wanted them to feel it together. With one hand she fumbled in the water between them and found what she was looking for.

”You are wearing far too much clothes” Ned gasped as she stroke him.

It would take too much time to struggle out of the wet gown, leaving it on was easier. Getting her smallclothes off was hard enough, with her stockings and boots still on, but she managed to get them off all while Ned’s lips was on hers. His tongue was in her mouth, his hands were in her hair, he was inside her. He was everywhere. And it felt good. So so good. She had missed him so much.

She left the bath when they had both finished just so that she could take the damn dress off. She wanted to sit in the hot water with her bare back against his chest and his arms around her.

”Where are you going?” Ned asked when she stepped out of the tub.

”Nowhere. I’m taking everything off” she said and sat on a chair and pulled off her boots.

Water poured out of them. She was surprised by how much water had fit in there with her feet.

”Sorry about that” Ned chuckled when she put them down in front of the hearth so that maybe they would dry before the morrow.

Her stockings also came off and she hung them on the chair that she had placed in front of the hearth. The gown proved to be a bigger challenge. It stubbornly clung to her as if though she was sticky. She had to wriggle in order to even make it move. Ned only laughed at her. She must have looked funny. After a while she finally managed to free herself from her prison and hung it on the chair. Then she returned to Ned.

”I love you” he mumbled.

”I love you too” she replied.

For a moment it was as though everything was back to normal. As if though they were at Winterfell. She could almost convince herself of that all of her children was sleeping peacefully in their chambers just down the corridor.

”I long until all of this is over” she said. ”I want to go home, I don’t want Robb to be king anymore. I never wanted him to be king. You need to speak to him when he gets back, he doesn’t listen to me and he doesn’t talk to me. I have no idea of what he’s doing. I know where he’s going and I know who he’s fighting, but I don’t know what he’s doing. Because his men doesn’t think that I should be involved because I’m a woman and it’s none of my business. But I want to know what my son is doing!”

She splashed the water in frustration. Ned didn’t say anything, just rested his chin on the top of her head. It calmed her down a little. His presence soothed her. Even if Robb and all the men made her frustrated and angry, he soothed her by just sitting there with her.

”You’re so much more than just a woman” he said after a while. ”You’re more clever than all of the lords that are involved in this. You are strong and brave and you fight with teeth and nails to protect the ones you love. I understand that you want to know what is going on, I know you hate not knowing. But I really do believe that you should go back to Winterfell, it’s safer there.”

Robb had also told her that. And she would have done it no matter what they told her, she knew her place was with Bran and Rickon. At home, away from the war.

”Well, Robb is his father’s son” she said bitterly. ”I will go back to Winterfell soon. I’m just waiting for my father. He’s very sick. He just sleeps and talks like it’s twenty years ago and drinks milk of the poppy. I want to be here when he dies. Family, duty, honor. Family always comes first, no matter what.”

”I’m sorry.”

”It’s okay. He’s in a lot of pain, it will be a relief for him.”

Earlier her father had mistaken her for Lysa. He wasn’t sane anymore, it was sad to see him. She didn’t want him to be in pain. It was a mercy from the gods to just kill him already. She loved her father, but it wasn’t him anymore.

”Smother me with a pillow the second I start mistaking Bran for Rickon” she told him.

”Oh you know I will keep you alive for as long as I possibly can. I love you and I’m selfish” he said and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

”Then at least do me a favor and drug me with milk of the poppy so that I don’t have to feel it.”

”Of course, I would never let you be in pain.”

”When did you become such a romantic?” she asked with a smile.

”I missed you a lot when I was in King’s Landing. And when I was running around in the wilderness.”

”I missed you too.”

They were quiet after that. Catelyn closed her eyes for a moment, just enjoyed the feeling of Ned close to her again. She had missed him so much. She would never let him leave her again. Never.

***

Catelyn woke with a startle and immediately reached out for Ned. Only to find nothing. In a heartbeat she was completely awake, frantically searching the room. She couldn’t find him. Where had he gone? Why had he just left her in the middle of the night?

She found a robe, pulled it on and left the chamber. She walked through the empty halls and corridors, tried to find a clue of where he might have walked off to. She almost ran into a very startled guard.

“Have you seen Lord Stark?” she asked.

He only looked at her and frowned.

“King Robb has not yet returned to Riverrun, my lady.”

“No” Catelyn sighed. “Not that Lord Stark. I meant my husband.”

His frown was replaced by a very worried look. Couldn’t he just say no or yes? She didn’t have time for whatever he was doing.

“Eddard Stark is dead” he said slowly.

And it struck her that most probably didn’t know of Ned’s return.

“Well, thank you.”

And then she continued walking. Maybe he had gone to the godswood so that he could pray. She didn’t understand why he would do it, but sometimes her husband could be a strange man.

The godswood was just as empty as the rest of the castle, to her great disappointment. Where could he be? She searched the godswood thoroughly, just to be sure, but there were only crows and silence.

“Cat?”

She looked up, hopeful for a moment, only to find that it was Edmure and not her husband.

“Have you seen Ned?”

“What are you talking about?”

Catelyn rolled her eyes, wasn’t it quite obvious what she was talking about?

“Don’t be stupid. Have you seen my husband? I don’t know where he is.”

For a moment something very similar to fear showed on Edmure’s face. Then he slowly came closer to her.

“Cat. Your husband is dead.”

It seemed like Edmure must have had too much to drink.

“No, he’s not. You brought him to me last night, remember?”

“I have done no such thing.”

“Yes, you did.”

He took her hand.

“I think you should go to bed again” he said softly.

“Not before I find Ned.”

“Catelyn. Listen to me. You won’t find him. He’s dead. You must have been dreaming. Because of the bones.”

“They weren’t his bones. He escaped King’s Landing, he came back to us.”

“No, Cat. I know how much you miss him, I can’t even imagine the pain you feel. But it was a dream. I’m sorry.”

She was growing desperate. Why wasn't he listening to her? Why couldn't he just help her find Ned? And why was he saying that he was dead? She turned away from her brother, tears stinging in her eyes. She couldn't really understand why, but something was gnawing in her, hurting her. Why did it hurt so much to think of Ned? 

"Are you well?"

"Why do you think I'm not?"

"Because your husband has been dead for months and you are out here looking for him as if though he was still alive. He was beheaded, Catelyn! The Lannisters killed him! And he's not coming back!"

A dream, was that all it had been?  
The rising sun almost felt like a mockery. She watched it through a haze of tears as her brother held her. How dared it just rise like everything was normal and as it was supposed to be? Half a heartbeat. That was how long it had taken for Catelyn’s world to fall apart yet another time.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a mess and I'm sorry. It's also a bit of a cliche, but I hope you can forgive me for that


End file.
